Everything seemed so nice and peaceful, and suddenly, we got hit by the storm again.This storm, callous and cruel as it is, is unforgiving, vial and plain cruel.But still, there is always hope and faith, and I will never give up without a fight.I know, all you think of is my future and all, but, don't you think I deserve a chance to explain my side of the story?You say his bad, but have you ever heard of the things he'd done for me instead of those stupid fucking gossips from the so-called 'guardians'.Well, ever heard of the phrase don't judge a book by it's cover?Will you people be considerate and consider my feelings?I don't know what to say to you people anymore, so, tomorrow, if I don't hear something that's fair, then I don't know if you guys have a heart or are you all demons from hell..

About to go to training and still thinking if I should train tonight or be a spectator.Because I have a swollen foot and Sunday is the selection!

Just finish revising maths and not even finish with it yet.
But here's a question of the day for all my readers.

WHY DOES IDIOTIC PEOPLE EXIST IN THIS WORLD?

STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS BECAUSE YOU'RE 100% MAKING IT WORSE!YOU WANT TO HELP?!ONE WORD, BUCK OFF LOSER!WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?ACTING LIKE YOU'RE THE BOSS AND AS IF I HAVE TO BOW DOWN TO YOUR EVERY NEEDS AND IRRATIONAL COMMANDS.JUST ADMIT IT THAT YOU ARE A TOTAL HYPOCRITE

5 days of holidays, just flew past me in a blink of an eye, and I haven't even started my revision for the coming exam which will determine my fate next year.

Life seems to be getting harder and more callous day by day, like a place with no mercy for the sore losers and as if it only exists for winners, with or without a pure heart.

Everywhere I go, it seems like nobody looks up to me anymore, it became clearer to me that they only look up to the ones who wins and not the sore losers.But still, being normal after a really long time, it feels kind of great yet sad.It feels great because no one would push me around doing the things I don't want to, it feels sad because I no longer have anything to show off to people, I had to lower my pride in order to blend in with the society, the cruel and vial society.

All of a sudden, it felt like a competition field to me.It was as if there was no other choice except for being a winner or being a loser where you got kicked around by everyone.I've always tried to answer my own question, can't I be normal?Well, ever since I was a kid, people seem to think I can do anything.They tend to think I can do anything, like I'm a robot or made of chips in my mind.

But still, I want to try to be normal, because being special, takes a lot of sacrifices and a lot more strength which I had drained off.My problem is, can I ever survive being normal?Or will I still want all the luxury I have when I was special?Though being normal means I'll have to lower my pride, it also opens new paths to my life.Since I've always want to try new things, maybe being normal is good after all.

Confessions

Why do I always get cheated?Every time I wanted to forgive you, you'll end up revealing yourself either as a liar, or a hypocrite.Why must you lie to me?Since you like to lie so much, therefore I shall not have anymore sympathy for hypocrites like you anymore.It's a total waste of time to treat someone like you with politeness and sympathy.
Secondly, this is to all you hypocrites and liars out there.Even if you're not going to have a chance to ever read this, I still want to type it out here.If you think being a hypocrite will soften my heart, or make me obey your every single command, let me tell you, that is SO NOT HAPPENING ANYMORE.I'm sick of you people, sick of all your lies and sweet talking, most importantly, SICK OF YOU.So, do not underestimate me anymore, through your lies and acting, I have learned not to trust anyone so easily, I have learned to be stronger and stand on my own two feet.I will never bow to you losers.

To the one who loved me with all your heart and soul..
Thank you, for being there for me when I needed someone the most.When I was being childish, sensitive and annoying, you never did leave me hanging by myself, instead, you waited, with patience for me to find myself once more.When my heart was cold and sad, you gave it warmth and comfort, telling me that everything will be okay, that we just have to keep on believing and hoping that miracles do exist in this world.When I needed a shoulder to cry or lean on, it was always you who will lend me yours.For that, I thank you with all my heart.Without you, I wouldn't be the me today.Without you, I would not be able to find light the moment I'm in the darkness.
Thank you for everything..

Selamat Hari Raya! (Part 2)

At my grandma's house..
We watched Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone and ate our snacks.After awhile, we suddenly wanted to make the small sausage and cheese bread roll which I always make.So, we went down to buy the materials.Much to our dismay, the only shop which sold what we needed was closed!We walked everywhere and at last, decided to buy bread and eggs to make egg sandwiches.Firstly, Phooi Yuee jie fried her egg while I boiled Fionne's and mine.Then, Vanessa cooked her scramble eggs.
And this is what our eggs look like..

Vanessa's egg

Phooi Yuee jie's egg

My egg

Everyone's egg!

Well, those were our eggs!
After eating, we wash up and continue watching the television until 6.30 pm when I waited until everyone went home.Well, today was certainly an exciting day.
Last but not least, a very very big big thank you and arigato gozaimasu to Vanessa, Phooi Yuee jie and Fionne for helping me with the dishes and cleaning up!Not to mention to Ayesha and Dianah's family for the mouth watering food!
Arigato everyone and Selamat Hari Raya!Maaf Zahir dan Batin!

Selamat Hari Raya!

Today was the most exciting Hari Raya I've went through, although I've celebrated it only twice by going to my friends' house.Well, this year, Phooi Yuee jie, Fionne, Vanessa and I went to Ayesha and Dianah's house.
The journey begins here..
I was late!Argh!Ran to Ayesha's house as soon as dad dropped me there.Though I was already outside her house, felt that I needed to call her to confirm, and she was waving at me from inside so I went in.Firstly, saw her relatives,Phooi Yuee, Fionne, then..*drumroll* Vanessa!Scream like crazy and hug her while they shushed me and everyone was staring at me there was something wrong with me.
Went to a room which I assume is Ayesha's room and sat there for awhile, chatting with my friends.Not long after, Rashini, Karen and another girl (whom I've forgotten her name><) arrived.We had lunch there, the food was delicious though we didn't ate much because we were still going to Dianah's house later.After eating, we went down and walked to Dianah's house, we arrived there and everyone sat in the living room, watchin a movie called Duyung, though not everyone was watching it.Then, we ate, again.After Ayesha and her sister and cousin have gone home, I ate again!Well, you can't blame me that I have a big appetite right?Anyway, compliments to Dianah and Ayesha's family's cooking.Really yummy!
After that, Phooi Yuee jie, Fionne, Vanessa and me headed to 7-Eleven to buy some snacks before going to grandma's house.

Currently watching the MTV Music Awards at 8tv.Finally saw Kristen Stewart dropped the trophy!Well, she was really clumsy like Bella Swan.Anyway, no offense, but Miley's dress is really weird.Not really, but only the front part.Oo la la..It's break time now...I'm probably going high already coz of all the idols I've seen in one night although it's only on TV.Ok, back to the tv.Byebye!

Watch this movie today.Where Got Ghost, one of Jack Neo's films.Well, no doubt, it's really a nice and SCARY movie.

And this swimming pool is really really cool, with the coconut tress and all..Feels like a sandy beach..

And this was uploaded for someone who wished to have a private cinema..

This was suppose to be the house used in Twilight which is the Cullen's house.Nice view from inside...

Nice view, which can make you feel relaxed after a hard day at work..XD

Cool kitchen rite?Modern and neat.

Okay, so who cares? I'm suddenly obsessed with interior designs and all again...Don't get me wrong!I'm not getting married, just like it, and I hope one day I will have a house that looks something like this!

Life Sucks

This morning, our head mistress, Madam Lee, officially announced that tomorrow was a holiday, and everyone cheered like crazy and shouted out loud.I was there, doing duty, rolling my eyes seeing everybody being so happy.But still, I wasn't happy, well, eventually, I was not.
And I don't want to offend anyone here but some people are way too much.I shall not mention any names but you should know who you are.
Let me give you readers a flashback on happened that made me so tensed up and emotional.

Tuesday, 15th September..
Second period, we were having PE as usual, and I prayed it was not going to be badminton again.Much to my relieve, our teacher announced that we can't just have badminton every week.So, we played hockey instead.Each student was required to have a hockey stick, a ball which was said can kill and we headed to the field outside.After the warm up, we were taught how to hit and dribble the ball.After the Xaverians had gone back, there was a huge place where the grass was cut short so we were asked to play there.
After a few matches, we sat down, as usual, me and Fionne sat together as we were the only ones from our group who was not playing.And that's when it happened.
They were speaking in Chinese again, as usual, despite the warnings they had received, they still continue.Then, the teacher heard and told us she'll have us all in detention if we speak in Chinese again.
I protested and told her that I wasn't the one speaking, and guess what she said?She told me since she did not know who was speaking the language and we're all Chinese, everyone will kena.
I was like, what the hell?!

Okay so that was the flashback, and today, they did it again.I was sitting behind them as usual, and was a bit emotional than usual, and with them talking in other languages, suddenly, I just exploded.And i was moody for the whole KH lesson.
See how someone can affect your feelings?I mean, if I were to write down their names, they'll probably start to tell the whole world that just because I'm a prefect I think I'm better and all that crap.

Life seriously sucks for me...

So many things to do, yet so little time. Study, study and more study.That was what my life was all about recently.Getting those 'knowledge' into my mind and locking them up before they slowly or eventually slip away from my memory.Getting emo more often too, which is not good, coz it means I'm more moody.Life now is just so chaotic.Can't wait for it to end.

LET'S CELEBRATE!

Finally I finished the music folios! Victory is mine! But unfortunately, still have to study. But still, it feels like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I shall study hard after this, but of course, after I had taken my break..

In order to not offend anybody, I shall use codename in this post.And I do hope nobody feels offended.So, I apologize in advance if anyone was offended.

The feeling of jealousy, it was lame, yet, who could avoid it?No matter how hard I said to you that I would avoid it, deep inside, there's still this feeling I hate the most that I'm trying to hide, either from you or from anyone.Never before have I felt I must protect the one I loved, but yet, I had promise I would be more open and not like all those girls who are so full with jealousy until they were too blind to see the good and beautiful side of their loved one.Do I want to be one of them?My answer is, no.I do not want to be one of those girls.They are what I call plastics, always thinking nonsense whenever their loved one is talking to another girl, or worse, their even being paranoid when their loved one is talking to a guy!Well, I sure as hell don't want to be one of those, but, admit it, surely you can't control it right?That's why I hate myself sometimes, saying things without further consideration, but I really want to be a more open person, cause with that, I won't be paranoid.

Secondly, this is going to sound really stupid but who cares anyway, it's a free country I can post whatever I want.Okay, first of all, I woke up 4am in the morning posting this blog thinking about you1, thinking that you1 has gone to bed, and what you1 have done throughout the day.I can't stop myself from thinking all those stuff I don't want to, of course I'm not posting what the nonsense I'm thinking.But, the point is, why do I have a feeling I don't like?I'm really confused and I don't even know what the hell am I writing.I'm thinking crap I guess..

Sashimi...

That's called chawan mushi...Some egg that is boiled and taste like jelly
Me in a skirt!What a surprise huh?

Went to dinner with my family to celebrate grandma's birthday and ended up bloating ourselves..Went to bed as soon as my head hit the pillow..><

Freaks...torturers..self-centered people, that's all I can think of to describe them.Reminiscing those times when I worked so hard, listened to every single thing they told me and did not even have the courage to speak out for my own sake.Maybe that was what that brought me to who I am today, still the not daring girl who did not have the courage to speak for her own self.Because of that, people tend to think I just follow along with what they say, ignoring my feelings and putting their own importance and so called 'dignity' ahead of me.And did I say a word?No, I did not, I kept quiet, and put on this mask, this 'angel' whom they think I am.But, why didn't they ever think that I have my own opinions, my own desires, and most importantly, my feelings?I mean, I'm not a machine, I'm not a computer or a robot that has a chip, I'm a human, a homo sapien who has feelings and a soul and heart.Why can't they understand how I feel?Why can't they give me a chance to prove to them that I am right?Why must they force me to do something that will hurt my soul and break my heart?I do understand they want their pride and dignity, but what I'm doing now, will it ruin all that?I listened to them, for so many years, why can't they, for once listen to me?Why?Someone please tell me why it can't get through their thick skull that I indeed have my dignity and only wants to be who I am?Why must they be so selfish and put aside everything that I have done that had made them proud and blame me for everything?Why?Why can't they just reason it out with me instead of jumping to the wrong conclusions that I will ruin my life if I chose this path?If they think that he is so much better than me, then fine, go to him, don't come begging to me to study hard and all that because even without anybody telling me, I will study hard, I will, to change my life and to achieve what I've always wanted, my freedom.And they don't have to worry about my dignity, just worry about theirs since they are so selfish and self-centered and only care for themselves.I'm useless to them anyway, but I will not look down on myself or think that if I die, everything will be solved.No, I don't want to think about dying anymore, I want to work my hardest and create a better life for myself and for the ones who love me sincerely and for the ones I love.Bare this in their minds, I will not ruin my life, I will not regret what I've chose.I will one day achieve my dreams, and don't come begging for my mercy then because I won't say anything and I know they love me.But too bad, they loved me the wrong way, not the way I wanted them to..

Posting from SMKCLS..XD

Currently at the school computer lab accessing the internet here which is super duper slow!Anyway, as how you all may think why I'm here, of course I'm not skipping class!The teacher wasn't here and didn't even tell us!How very very sad right?Oh well, first time using the school's computer, and dying of boredom here...Well, can't blame me since the computer is slower than the tortoise...Well then,I'll be updating as soon as I can!

deus ex machina

Deus ex machina, (day oohs eks makina), literally "god from the machine" is a plot device in which a person or thing appears "out of the blue" to help a character to overcome a seemingly insolvable difficulty.
Do you believe in its existance?
Well, a few experiences that I had overcome lead me to believe that it does exist, but only when a person truly needs to solve their difficulties.At first, what seemed to be my deus ex machina, it turns out that my plan was not going well, and I did not believe it.
But, when a miracle truly happens, I do believe its existance now.Someone once told me, we just have to keep having hopes.Well, miracles do happen, its just a matter of time and the faith we have in waiting for it.
Therefore, I'll try my very best to always have faith in myself and be a stronger person.

Just wait and see...

She felt happy, she was relieved, thinking that finally, things have started to return to normal and maybe they were starting to accept what she wanted.Suddenly, everything seems to change in a glint of an eye, she was told that she had let him down, and she was a disgrace.A voice in her head spoke, telling herself that she will not and must not repeat the same mistake ever again, and she shall never regret what had happened, because, life is always full of loop holes aren't they?So, she promise herself to not disgrace him again, as she did not want to loose the one she loved the most, therefore, she will work harder and her hardest to prove to them that with the one she loved, she will always be better in doing something, and happier.Enough of the rubbish that she heard, if this is a challenge, she'll take it with her head held high and she will never let them think that she is weak, ever again.She will and shall prove to them that she is no weakling.Just wait and see...

Only the first week of being a 'real' prefect, already I could feel the pressure and I was sure, it was going to get worse.First, I felt like a total chaos on the first day of being a 'real' prefect because, face it, it meant more and more responsibilities will be thrown to me, it was just a matter of time before it happens.Those times of being a prefect during primary came back to haunt my mind, those times when I had to go for duties while the rest of the girls were enjoying their time, taking a break from the cruel, vial world of education.While me, not only did not have any rest, but had to take care of school discipline and all that crap.You'd think I'm stupid right?After all the hard work, I'd say no to this offer, truth is, there are advantages of being a prefect of course, like getting extra credits and getting to catch the people we hate without hesitation and feeling like we are the queen and they must bow to us no matter what.Unfortunately, everything has a price, nothing is free and for this power and advantages, I had to give up my freedom at school as a student, my freedom of taking my time doing my things, daydreaming away, and most important of all, being with all my best friends without a care in the world.But now, I felt lost, felt as though there was a big gap between us, that there was a chance this friendship was bound to break sooner or later.Will I be lost?Can I handle these new path that has open in front of me that will change my life from now onwards?