Uncertainty

Things have been difficult this year, and with Christmas and the New Years drawing closer, it makes you think of all that has happened this year.

Firstly, the end of this year marks the end of my gym membership, which makes me feel guilty every time I think of it. Out of the 1 year and 6 months I've paid for, I'm not sure I've actually made the best out of it. Although relieved that it's not a burden anymore I can't help but regret not taking the chance while I can.

Secondly, this year would mark the 7th year I've been together with my beloved, who I think it's safe to say has the crappiest year this year. Time and time life crushes your motivation and any ounch of hope and believe left in you that you are now close to being an empty husk. I know times seem bleak now, and I don't know what I can actually do to make you feel better other than being there when you need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen to, but I guess you just have to believe that good things are just around the corner. Then again, I guess I still can't shake the feeling that I'm the cause of your failures, maybe if I was strong enough to let go,  maybe you'll get the time and focus that you needed to succeed. Maybe if I were to just let you go, then you could have swam up instead of being anchored down. Are things meant to end soon? Or are we lucky enough to spend eons together, hand in hand, until our hair turn grey?

I don't know what the future holds for you, or me, or for us, but I do know that I will and always have cherish every moment we're together, even those moments that we refuse to speak to each other.

Drift Apart

It's one of those days again, actually I haven't spent a day like this in awhile, I have literally been listening to songs for a few hours now.

Listening to some songs from the past of course, automatically brought me back into some memories which I must admit, was some of my favorite chapters of my life so far.

Although, I can't help but go back to the chapter where I've had a rather close bond with one of the people that I honestly had no idea would have gotten close to. 

It was that dark time of their lives, where both were my close friends, she decided it was time to move on and cut the cord, and he, as much as he had expected it, got his heart broken really badly from it. Of course, I was pretty shocked too when I found out what happened, I did grow up with their relationship, thinking that they would be the ones who lasted. I've seen them together for many years now, from when they started dating, I could still remember on one of our trips that we were on a field, training and at the end of it, he plucked a flower and just put it on her hair. They were so happy back then. 

Of course, learning how they ended, I chose to have negative feelings for her, although she had grown to be like my big sister, and him, surprisingly, got closer to me as we talked and I tried my best to comfort him. We shared a bond that at least to me, was somewhat meaningful. Every night we would talk and talk, and every night I would try to help him recover bit by bit. 

This went on for awhile and unexpectedly, we became best friends, me treating him as a big brother, or maybe a little more than I want to admit to myself. Time by time, I saw him heal and as happy as I was for him, I have grown to be defensive of who he would meet. So, when he met the lady that he would call his wife now, I couldn't help but be skeptical about her, because, as much as I want him to move on, I didn't want to see his heart broken and shattered to pieces again. 

Then one day, he just said that our conversations, and this bond that we had, should just remain between us. And at that moment, I just shattered into pieces, disappointed by the audacity of his request. I was angry and hated him. Then, after I got sick, in an event, he showed me that I shouldn't give up and should keep on fighting. 

Well, sad to say, we never talk to each other as long as those times ever again. He treated me as just one of the people he knew and I did the same too. 

So, my question is, am I a bad person to want that time back again, even if  that time meant that he was at his most vulnerable and sad moments of his life?

I guess sometimes, people just drift apart.

Wrestlemania Monday

So, today was my first ever Wrestlemania experience. Woke up before 6am to go to his house and I gotta say, it's a heck of an experience and I wished I was at Dallas, Texas. 

I found it immensely entertaining however violent it might seem to most people. I also have to say, it is weird to see some of the wrestlers in their weird costumes, like Stardust and Golddust (I suggested they should have a younger sibling named Pixie Dust).

                                    

Then came one of my favourite matches, the divas. Really was a pity that Charlotte won, I DO NOT like that blonde bitch. But as usual, her victory was with the help of her dad.

                                      

Then came the most epic match of the night, where Shane McMahon dropped from a 20 foot cage but missed the Undertaker. That was just downright epic!

     

I could go on and on about the show but what I have to say is, it certainly was very exciting. And well, although a lot of hardcore fans was disappointed with this year's Wrestlemania, as a rookie, I would say it was damn right epic and amazing the things these wrestlers do for the sake of the show and their fans. Hats off to all of them!

Yet, another new year.

First of all, Happy New Year to any of you who are still reading my blog! May this year be a better one than last year.

Well, first off, 2015 has definitely been a heck of a ride, what with finally graduating from 2 gruesome years of diploma in a place that makes you feel that if you don't belong, then you never will. Well, as happy as I am that I have left that godforsaken place, can't help but miss the acquaintances I've made while I was there. The year then continued to having to make a decision on which path I should choose to further my studies, and I really hope I've chosen the right one. Well, I guess the toughest part of 2015 was the time when I had to be admitted into the hospital, not only was it a terrible place to recuperate, I had also missed the exams, thus, slowing my progress. 

On the other hand, I can't believe how fast time has past and we've been together for 6 years now my dear. I really am truly blessed to have you in my life through thick and thin. I know we don't always see eye to eye at times and we do sometimes bicker, but I'm glad we could always resolve them. I'm really sorry if I ruined your days with my sudden outbursts of anger, when I interrupt you while you were talking. I've always wondered how much more of me that you can take before you put your foot down and say enough is enough and that you don't want any part of this anymore. As much as I hope that that doesn't happen, I do wish sometimes that we hadn't met at all, maybe then you wouldn't have had to bear the burden that was not meant for you. I truly am grateful that we've found each other in this lifetime. Here's to hoping that we'll survive whatever bumps the road ahead has, and thank you my dear, for sticking by me through it all, even when I'm being difficult, you never turned your back on me even though you're not in the best shape, I only wish I can be as patient as you are.