Uncertainty

Things have been difficult this year, and with Christmas and the New Years drawing closer, it makes you think of all that has happened this year.

Firstly, the end of this year marks the end of my gym membership, which makes me feel guilty every time I think of it. Out of the 1 year and 6 months I've paid for, I'm not sure I've actually made the best out of it. Although relieved that it's not a burden anymore I can't help but regret not taking the chance while I can.

Secondly, this year would mark the 7th year I've been together with my beloved, who I think it's safe to say has the crappiest year this year. Time and time life crushes your motivation and any ounch of hope and believe left in you that you are now close to being an empty husk. I know times seem bleak now, and I don't know what I can actually do to make you feel better other than being there when you need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen to, but I guess you just have to believe that good things are just around the corner. Then again, I guess I still can't shake the feeling that I'm the cause of your failures, maybe if I was strong enough to let go,  maybe you'll get the time and focus that you needed to succeed. Maybe if I were to just let you go, then you could have swam up instead of being anchored down. Are things meant to end soon? Or are we lucky enough to spend eons together, hand in hand, until our hair turn grey?

I don't know what the future holds for you, or me, or for us, but I do know that I will and always have cherish every moment we're together, even those moments that we refuse to speak to each other.