2011

2011 is finally coming to its end and the curtains almost closed. This year has been yet another hard and uneven road for me. Why? First of all, starting a year with everything answered in subjective and with no choices or any hints for the answer is not something very easy to do. Here's a list of events that have occurred throughout the year 2011 in my life :

• Turning 16! Never a better way to celebrate it than with my lovely girlfriends and of course, a SURPRISE PARTY from my Taekwondo lovely buddies! Thank you to all you have made my sweet sixteen a memorable one!

Birthday cake no. 1 from the surprise party =)

Birthday cake no. 2 when my girlfriends and me celebrated

Presents from girlfriends!

Presents revealed! What I've always wanted! Love you girls!

The epic gift from Mr. David Bock who dropped by our party. Thanks sir!

• Can you believe it? I was actually allowed to go to a 4 days 3 nights camp at Pulau Pangkor! On my own of course! I had a splendid time while I was there. Although in the beginning didn't know anyone. But by the end of the day, I had friends from all over the country! And we were reluctant to go back home *sob* *sob*

Look at the amount of people! And they're all Form Fours!

First time rock climbing
Looks easy when you see people doing it but when you're in action? SO HARD

The hanging bridge that we were required to cross
Scary.....

With friends...

Penang contigen


With the captain of the camp

• It was fun at first being sixteen and entering yet another phase of my life. But, my journey of 2011 starts to drown when you zoom into my studies. Long story short, I went from top 10 to top 20. But Other than that, I still managed to keep my personal record. =)

• This year, I gained A LOT of weight. Why? First, I got toenail problem, thus, had to stopped training. Went for surgery. Twice. Scary...

• Celebrated Mum's birthday at Seoul Garden, Gurney.

• Of course not to forget, Dad's birthday!

• Entering the first and most probably last robotic competition.

• Entering Spell It Right competition. Had fun although didn't won. Movies with girlfriends after that to cheer up me day. =)

Look how the spelled my name. Talk about spelling it right

• Celebrated a best girlfriend's birthday. Happy Birthday Jessie =)

A cute kitten who dropped by to join the party

• Not to forget a trip to Monkey Beach with my Taekwondo buddies!

• And during the school holidays, really got to let my hair down by going to a trip to Cameron with my Taekwondo buddies! Miss those funny moments!

This is how it looks like to sit behind a Toyota Hilux. 15 people in the car altogether!

The Boh tea plantation. The sight was breathtaking

Look at the fish!

Well, that's about what happened in my life. 2 hours to go before the new year. Another chapter in the book starts. Hope everyone have a happy new year! =)

Been crying the whole day and still feel sad.

Just when I thought life will finally give a few days off, BAM reality hits me again...Well..I'm tired..I really am..

Life has taken yet another weird course. This time, a much more tougher one. Why you may ask? It's because it made me wonder again and again and made me think of all the what ifs that I could came up with. What if people except that you actually love someone? Wouldn't that be easier to be joyful together and exploring each other's pros and cons? Instead of judging the book by its cover, judging someone by mere comments from others, isn't it much easier to just get to know that person yourself? I think I'm blabbing in this post, the reason is because I have no idea how on earth am I going to start this post.

As happy as I may be, there are ups and downs in life which I cannot deny. I often ponder on the thought of having a family, or building one, one that is peaceful, that don't shout to each other every day, one that talks politely. Sadly, I can't see that happening. Maybe I could build one someday, who knows.

I often too, ponder on the thought of spending my life with Mr. Right, the kind of guy that is perfect from every single aspects. But sadly, that's not possible, although, I believe I have found my true love, as rare as it may seem, I like to think that I have found mine. Because when we're together, nothing else matters anymore. Of course, being in a relationship is not all lovey dovey all the time. We fight, we cry and we make up. That's what we do. Most importantly, we love each other with all our hearts. And that to me, is what matters the most.

If I may quote The Notebook,
" The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we're forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this good-bye is both a good-bye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come. When I look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And I know I have spent every life before this one searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understands, we've been forced to say good-bye. I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and I promise to do all I can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly good-bye, I know we will see each other again in another life. We will find each other again, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before."

Love. This 4 letters make people do all sorts of things, may it be foolish or not. I feel a burning sensation inside every time we argue on the only day we could see each other. I don't deny I'm wrong. As much as I want to avoid it, I can't. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry for everything that I've said and done. Maybe we aren't meant for each other, I don't know. But whatever it is, whatever happens, I know I'll never forget you. Because you honey, will be the first person who made me have butterflies in my tummy and the first to make me want to open up and not shutting out the world. I love you.

Confused..

I sometimes wonder, were we made for each other? Or were we just plainly madly in love? In circumstances like these, when we talk about how lost we are, how we can't find our true selves because we gave in to each other, I feel as though we don't even know each other at all. There are times when I feel that we are from two different planets. But sometimes, when we're together, it feels like nothing matters anymore as long as we're together, embracing each other. You said that you might be crazy for waiting around for me the 24/7. But to me, I feel it's sweet and adorable. You ask me to decide if I need you that night. But dear, truth is, I don't even know when do I need you. I don't like to see you trapped because of me, that's the truth, but at the same time, I want you, although I know well that it's nothing but a selfish need. You said you are confused, well I am too..

Can I Just Dream On?

You made me come to realize that reality is harsh, much more cruel than fantasy. Yes, I've learnt little by little to accept the fact that its no doubt harsh. Learnt that you can't change people.

But since I was a kid, I've been dreaming that one day I can make the world a better place, that I can change people to be better. I know its selfish to think that way, but its just who I am. I know its the most naive thing you can find in someone.

But, for now, before everything ends, will you just let me dream on? Will you just let me believe in myself for once that I can do that?

Why?

Everyone's changed now. Its as if a new chapter has revealed upon itself and the old one shut close, hidden and forgotten forever.

The atmosphere is so saddening nowadays. With more and more people giving up, leaving the ones left clinging on for dear life. Today, even sir has died, inside with disappointment. Why? Why do you have to do this? It was once a place full of joy and laughter, where everyone was treated as part of the family. Now? Its left with nothing but shredded pieces of memories, either forgotten or hidden away. Our family has grown smaller, day by day. Every little piece of the puzzle that was once firm and strong, they're beginning to tear apart, instead of facing adversity.

Is this how it'll end? With no one fighting on to keep it alive? Why do you all have to do this? Yes I admit sometimes some of us can be shitty and crappy, but through all those times, we've been through it together as a family. But now? Everyone's hurting each other. It's like your tearing your own skin off.

Answer me this though.

Will each and everyone of you look back one fine day and smile at all those memories we had together as a team? Or will you sigh and wished it was never a chapter of your life? Or worse, will you be filled with hatred every time you look back?

Please don't do this...

Everyone of us has our own passion in doing something we love. May it be art, swimming, reading, dancing etc. I'm probably just blabbing here, but that's what a blog is for isn't it?

Form 4, begins a new chapter of life. New things to learn, growing older and turning into a lady day by day. Not to forget, Sweet Sixteen that only comes once in a lifetime. With the burden that I bear, no matter what, I still wanna go.

So, please, will you please stop trying to stop me from going to the one place I can feel sane? The one place that at least I have left a lil' bit more hope on changing it back to the way it was 5 years ago...

Will I Survive?

Did you ever cling your hopes onto certain people because they were your inspiration? That they were the prove that something can be done because they are the living prove? I received a shocking news today, hearing that their world was broken apart. I have looked up to them as an inspiration and most important, she was a dear friend and was always there when the road is bumpy. But now, I'm left with nothing. I feel lost. I keep asking myself will I too face the similar situation?

I've yet again succeeded in discovering the ugly side of humanity. May it be my acquaintances, my mentors, my friends or the people whom I used to respect. Everywhere I turn, there's always something that is happening. Why? Why can't everything just went back to the way they were? Why can't things went back to what they were 5 years ago? Everyone was so much more friendlier then. Everyone was treated equally, and everyone became a family. But now? All of that has turned to ashes. My question is, will the ashes turn into a phoenix? Will the rain fade and the rainbows appear?

It's only been a week since school started and already I'm in a mess. Dealing with all sorts of people every day, I am relieved to say that I am still sane. I've had words that cut me deep thrown to me, I just hope that I still survive this endeavour. Being in the top is not easy as I have come to realized. As days pass by, I find myself wondering have I made the right decision? Have I chosen the correct path to pursue?

But, at the end of the day, no matter what life throws at us, it's still our life. We decide what we are and not become who others want us to be. I just hope that at the end of the day, everything is worthwhile.

2011

First and foremost, Happy New Year to all of you.

Well, what can I say? Time really does flies. After all the hardships, it all became my memories of the year 2010. Can't deny it's it has really been tough last year. Also, sad to say that 2010 has finally come to an end.

Here's hoping all of you readers good luck for the year 2011. =)