Why care now?

Today marks the day of the last repetitive date on the calendar. As to most of you, if I have any readers that is, today might be the day you'll do something memorable.As for me, today was an auspicious day for me, a day that will probably be etched in my memory, and not in a good way.

I'm not denying I've done no wrong. But all the while I was wondering, pondering in the presence of the cold water beating on myself, the only way I found effective when I needed to soothe my emotions. And I was wondering, when I was scarred and traumatised, none of you cared, NONE of you, except for one. The one person who have helped me overcome my suicidal behaviour, cure my trauma, lend me a helping hand when I was in deep water, held me up when I fell down and most important of all, believed in me for who I was and who I am. So why now? Why do you care now when the scars have deepen? When I don't trust you to be worthy any more?

I'm curious. How can you all be blinded by something a person who is OBVIOUSLY a bad influence say? Is he so wise that you have to cling to his every word? Why can you not see that the one person has helped me cope with traumatised life? Why on earth would you want to hate the one person who is important to me? Isn't that selfish?

I may not be experienced or wise, but at least I know whose worthy of my trust.

Home?

What is a home? A home to most people is somewhere where they feel protected and save. A place where they feel loved and cared for. My home used to be like this. It used to be the place I felt secure the most, used to be the place I turn to when reality was simply just too cruel to be faced. Sadly, recent turn of events have changed that. My home is now but an empty shell, a place where I only spend my time in, no more and no less than that. It seems like all I do is cause misery and anger in this so called home of mine. Yes, I have even been accused of causing problems in a marriage. How would you handle that? If someone's marriage was in ruins and on the brink of disaster and instead of blaming themselves, they blame you. And that's not even the worst. What is worse is that person is someone who used to love you. I've been told that everything in this world is all but a loan to us, that we came to this world with nothing and will also leave this world with nothing. So in the end, it's just a loan. Well fine then, I'll leave this 'home' of mine when I have the chance. I'm sorry if I even instil the thought that I'm the third party in your marriage in you head. But fear not, I shall leave. But when I leave, you can be damn sure I'm never turning my back. I'm off to make my own home and I never want to be like you.

I give up.

In my previous post I talked about a couple who broke up after 5 long years together. Well I've been trying my best to be a good friend to one of them. I listened and give advice I thought were useful. As time passes, I thought he was healing from time to time. But it turns out that he was sinking a little bit deeper into self pity. I refuse to be negative and go on encouraging him. But now, it's just too much to take. I'm tired of being the optimistic one. After all, I'm just a friend, I'm no fairy godmother. I believe life is about holding fate in our own hands. We decide how our life turns out. Nobody else, but us. So if someone helps you and you refuse to help yourself, then there's nothing much to do to get back on your feet.

It's been forever since my last post so much have changed. I've gone through so much more challenges and adversities that were thrown by fate. But fate however, is a funny thing when you come to think of it. It changes your life in just a click or a blink of an eye. For instance, the only couple I know spilt up after 5 long years of committing themselves in a loving relationship and with everyone certain that they'll someday be in a blissful marriage. So this course of life has certainly came as a shock to all dear to them.

We know that being in a relationship is never easy. It doesn't involves being selfish but instead it was all about giving and sharing. It was about loving each other so much that we would give up our lives for our loved one. However, recent events have changed my perception. As said by a friend, the possibility of meeting our true love at the first time is rare, almost impossible. But there is a speck of possibility no matter.

Truth is, being in a relationship is nothing like what we see in the movies and dramas we so often watch. In movies, the male character makes love look so charming, sending flowers to his loved one, always coming up with surprises on birthdays and anniversaries and always creating a happy atmosphere. But face it, we know in our hearts that its impossible to have rainbows every day. Life as the old saying goes, has its ups and downs. So in reality, being in a relationship involves two people to sacrifice for each other. It involves getting through challenges together, being patient with each other, solving out misunderstandings together, and on top of all that, loving each other.

It gets tiring sometimes, but when you think of it, its worthwhile. However, sometimes on certain days, you just feel like living in one of your many fantasies just for once. You would want your beloved to know for once what is on your mind without you needing to speak, knowing why your sad and comforting you, buying a bouquet of roses just for the fun of it, surprising you by presents or unexpected meetings.

Would be wonderful wouldn't it? But as we know, it doesn't always work that way and in reality, most things that works out in dreams don't work out in reality. So with all that is said, will you be able to stick by the side of your loved one? In sadness and happiness? And like the old saying, till death do you part?