c-o-w-a-r-d

Been awhile since I've updated. Apologies to the readers(if there's anyone actually reading this blog). Anyhow, it's been a long week, a tiring month and a whole new batch of challenges awaits.

Lately, I realized that I've been turning more and more cowardly. Why? I don't know either and it's the truth I'm telling you. I used to be so kind of wild last time, risking everything and just wanted to let my hair down. But lately, every time I think of doing that, I feel guilty, guilty that I've lied. So instead of sky diving, jumping without a parachute or anything, I'm recoiling back into my shell, the one I've been trying so hard to come out of. And now, it's pulling me back.

I say things that I won't do, speak without thinking twice and worse, bitching about people I hate. Maybe it's the depression, maybe it's the stress, maybe it's the feeling of not wanting to be locked up in a cage. I don't know, either way, I'm a coward. Yes, I am. And I won't deny it.

So I pray really hard, that one day, everything will finally be OK. That everything will turn out good. That we will finally be able to hold our heads high and be together without needing to worry about consequences.

Hatred, the emotion that feels like water boiling in you, like a volcano, waiting to erupt, slowly creeps back inside me all over again. I made a promise to myself not to hate anyone, because, you see my fellow folks, the person you hate does not even know you hate them. So it'll be like clapping with one hand, it's rather tiring and torturing believe me. Sadly, I have been hating someone these few weeks. Along with some of my acquaintances who hate the same person as well. I'm kinda sure you know who you are, so please, stop being so annoying. You've work hard to build up a strong foundation so please, don't go tearing it down.

Time is flying as usual, callously ignoring all that have fallen and failed to achieve what they want in time. That's what's it's like to me now, the situation of PMR trials that will be beginning next Wednesday and I'm still here, blogging. On a different note, it's Friday 13th, God please bless me and my darling that we will get through our grading and get good results TONIGHT.

Finally, grading is over! Kinda glad it's over, and now, it's the trials I have to worry about. It's next week and I have yet to touch a single revision book >.< and I ain't lying about that.

Grading was as usual, scary and freaky and creepy. I really have learned that towards some bitches, its no use showing them any mercy. You pity them, they kill you. So yeah, bitches are bitches no matter how pretty they might be.

Weird week..

Been a weird week, that's all I can describe whenever I think of the events that took place within this week.

1st, rehearsals for the Speech Day which is tomorrow. Honestly, skipping lessons was fun, I need not have to see all those faces that I do not want to see, it's a once in a school year thing when we have reasons for not being in the class. Then again, there's a price to pay. Homework piling up into a mountain >.<

Well, lately, I think my mind is playing games with me. I've been missing him a lot a lot that apparently, my mind wonders around, and settle for a crush which well, is abnormal to say the least. Don't get me wrong, I'm an open minded person, but having a crush on that particular person is weird, especially when I see that person everyday. Which is why, obsession is a drug, I got so addicted I forgot who I am. So yeah, it's weird.

As for training, I've found out a rather worrying thing about grading this Sunday. Turns out I have to run 2.4km within 12 minutes. Either that or I fail my grading. So yeah, I know I know I'll never gonna make it. May God bless me and give me strength on Sunday.

As I have mentioned, tomorrow will be D-day. So will Sunday.