Why can't each day pass without any worries and troubles? Maybe it's me, being naive as always and never growing up and becoming mature. I get mad for no rational reason, say words impulsively without thinking twice. Why can't I just shut up? I don't know.

I'm sorry..I really am

I'm not the only one who's violating the rules you know asshole? Besides, it's barely a proper word. I ain't gonna waste my time for you bitch. If you wanna torture me, then bring it on. And one more thing, go fuck yourself motherfucker. Asshole bitch motherfucker fucking fucktard.

Have I changed?

"Hey his here. Why is he even here when there's only like 15 minutes before training ends?" " You can punch me 10 times but you won't be able to withstand one of mine."

Yes, this was what I heard shortly before training ends. Somehow, it set me off, I got mad, for some reasons, I just don't know. Lately, I feel as though things have changed. It's as though we were from different planets.

You say that you made me changed. But what if it's not you but me? Have I truly changed? If I have, am I still who I used to be? I don't know. Somehow, I can't communicate with them anymore. Every little thing they say that meant only jokes to them lights up my anger. Perhaps I've become more hotheaded than usual? I don't know. I seriously don't know.

Can anyone tell me?

Is this what reality is?

I thought my days was finally getting better, I thought they were starting to leave me alone, but, I was wrong. I was beyond glad that one of the 'guardians' was finally gone, leaving me with only two. But, all of a sudden, she came back tonight. Why must she? To spy on me again? Is it fun? Spying on other people when it's none of your business, telling it to someone else then making that someone reach rock bottom. Why must you people do this to me? All I ask for was a little freedom, is it that hard? I agree I have agreed with what you people said when I was younger, but I grew up, and I know what I'm doing. Can't you all just give me a chance to prove to you people that I can manage my own life? Is it so hard to accept the fact that I have grown up and want to start being independent? Maybe I'm not a mother and I don't understand what you people feel, but, don't we all have to let go of our kids when their growing up even if it's the hardest thing to do? This life, is filled with so many amazing things that's waiting to be discovered, why can't you give me a chance to discover it? I'm strong, I know how to stand up if I fall, I want to fly with my own wings, take risks and just have fun. Is it that hard for you people to understand?

I can still recall how amazing it was to feel like a new born champion. The cheers, the compliments, the respect, yes, all of that is amazing isn't it? Youth seems so fun, I was young and naive then, following all your orders, listening to every single thing you asked me to do. Then I got better, and everything just changed. People wanted better performance, the pressure starts getting higher, and I fell. I admit, I've changed a lot. But, that's because I know what's worth and what's not worth sacrificing, or maybe I just gotten softer day by day. I gave up, and passion slowly turned into burden. I tried to stand up and fight back, but I can't, I failed. I couldn't find that passion anywhere in my heart, nor my soul. But now that I know what's more important in my life, I started having a different thinking than you, and you guys thought of it as a rebel. I don't mind, I seriously don't, my heart has been so sad for so long that it started to get hard. The place I once called my paradise, was a living hell now. Is it me? Or is it you?

Why do I feel uncertain? I don't know who can I trust anymore. Lately, the people whom I trust turned their back on me and showed their true selves. Is this reality? If it is, then I'll accept the challenges with patience and strength. I've grown tired of crying, it does nothing but turning me into a frog-eyed human. Why does things start getting uglier as I grow up? Maybe reality is not as easy as I imagined. People whom you trust show their true selves, decisions had to be made, and rules have to be strictly followed and obeyed. What happened to having fun? Taking risks once in a blue moon? I've indeed changed. I used to be like a doll, allowing you to control me with the strings attached on me. But now that I'm growing up, I learned to make my own decisions. Can I or can I not fly with my own wings? Why can't you accept that I've grown up? And you, why must you always threatened me with the secret I expect you to keep? Why? Why must people be so ugly? Is this the true form of humanity?

Hangout at Gurney

Today will certainly be one of the memorable days in my life. Finally, I mean it people, FINALLY, we get to go out together (Vanessa, Phooi Yuee, Fionne, Xin Yi, Carmen and Eileen). Watched Alice in Wonderland together. Hope in future it'll be more exciting.

FUCK!

I don't care if you guys wanna talk bad bout me, I seriously don't fucking care about all that now. Right now, this moment, anger and rage is all I have.

YOU'RE SUCH A RETARD YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S LOVE. YOU USED ME. YOU USED ME LIKE A RAGGED DOLL, TO SATISFY YOURSELF. AND LEFT ME WITH THIS TRAUMA, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL LOVE, THEN YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF! DON'T BE ALL GOODY TWO SHOES WITH ME WHEN THE TRUTH IS YOU'RE TREATING ME LIKE A DOG, A FUCKING DOG ON A FUCKING LEASH.
THEN, WHEN I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU, INSTEAD YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME AND THREATENED ME WITH IT. YOU THINK YOU COULD MAKE ME BOW TO YOU AND BEG YOU LIKE A PEASANT WHEN YOU DO THAT?! THEN LET ME TELL YOU THIS, EVERY WORD THAT COMES OUT FROM YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, I'M LEARNING. LEARNING NOT TO TRUST YOU, EVER AGAIN. AND I'M GETTING STRONGER, DAY BY DAY. AND ONE DAY, YOU CAN TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT TO.
I CAN'T TRUST YOU ANYWAY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY DID I RISK THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE, I'M SUCH A BITCH.
AND YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAVE FEELINGS? WELL YOU DON'T NEED THEM ANYWAY. WHEN YOU SAID HIS A FUCKTARD, WELL GUESS WHAT? YOU. ARE. EXACTLY. LIKE. HIM. SO DON'T EXPECT ME TO SIDE YOU ANYMORE. I'M A HUMAN TOO, I GET TIRED AFTER SOMETIME.

AND TO YOU PEOPLE WHO THINK YOU CAN PUSH ME AROUND, THINK AGAIN. I AIN'T A ROBOT WITH A CHIP IN MY FUCKING BRAIN. SOMETIMES I NEED SPACE TOO. SOMETIMES, I NEED TO TAKE A BREAK FROM ALL THIS SHIT!

Camp '10

So today was the combined camp of all the four boards, Prefects, Monitors, Break Monitors as well as Librarians. It was kind of boring actually, but the best part was the closing event when everyone shake their butts off dancing chicken dance!

The speaker, well she was okay, although she was quite boring and some of the games don't really make sense. Well the best game was passing the ball in diagonal and makes sure everyone got the ball. We got a record of 4 seconds in a group of 18 people!

Did a lot of coloring and drawing, kind of have an adrenaline to paint now thanks to today's camp. To sum it up, it was okay.




Some of the painting results, I know it sucks..XD

First thing's first, EXAMS ARE OVER PEOPLE! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! HO! HO! HO!

Okay, back to reality. So tonight was training as usual, and, believe me, it was my first time getting mad at Sir Yaw. It wasn't very pleasant though, ranted to Shirley and Kor, practically pissed Kor off I guess, cause he was saying trying to make a point and I was ranting along. Well, most of you who knows me well knows how I'm like when I'm mad.

So yeah, training continues, and discovered something very sad, which might or might not be true. If it's true, there's a possibility I'm gonna end my life, once and for all, if it's not true, then it'll be the greatest news to me.

Sick and Tired

Hi folks, so, today's post shall be about another problem I've discovered due to my thinking-too-much attitude. As most of you guys know, I sprained my ankle during training two weeks ago before Chinese New Year, therefore, it is VERY obvious that I cannot train.

I do agree that I'm always having injuries, but hey, I can't stop accidents from happening to me can I? Anyway, back to tonight at the training, so I was sitting down as usual, and some seniors came to ask what happened to me. So I told them I sprained my ankle and bla bla bla. Guess what they said? They actually jumped to the conclusion that I'm trying to avoid training by saying I'm injured! What the hell?! Just because I don't train, I still came to the training to watch and sit down! You people think its comfortable sitting down doing nothing?!

So, I don't care, if that's what you people want, then fine! I'm going to training next week, satisfied?! Then if I'm injured again, you people be the witnesses! Cause I'm sick and tired of explaining to people who don't care, friend of foe.

Choir = More Pressure

As usual, had choir practice again today. As you all know, I'm in metzo soprano, which is higher than my beloved alto. Knowing my own talents, which are almost close to zero, I forgot the melody of my parts, therefore I just sang and the result, it was hell. Don't even know why I can be chosen into this group that are 99.9% filled with talented seniors and all. Being in that group, not only did I get glares when I go out of tune, the pressure is amazing. I shall hope one day I'll go back to my beloved alto as I belong there, with my shit voice. No offence, alto is amazing.

Hope..

Time, what a precious thing, it is very useful, to determine fate, and to heal sorrows. Although, why do I feel as though we're drifting apart further away from each other day by day? It feels like forever since the last time we were happy together. Maybe it's just an illusion due to my paranoia, but, that's what I thought. Either way, I still want to hold on and fight till our last breath, to not bend down to those "guardians" and to be together, till the end of our lives.

"Never Gonna Be Alone"

[Verse 1]
Time, is going by, so much faster than I,And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.
Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,
So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

[Chorus]
Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall...
Never gonna be alone!
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

[Verse 2]
And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,
'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

[Chorus]
Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

[Verse 3]
Oh!
You've gotta live every single day,
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Don't let it slip away,
Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.
Every single day,
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Tomorrow never comes...

[Verse 4]
Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

[Chorus]
Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

I'm gonna be there always,
I won't be missing one more day,
I'm gonna be there always,
I won't be missing one more day.