Will it end?

As most of you know, I've been haunted by my past for as long as I can remember. For those of you who don't know, well, its better that you don't. Its not a tale everybody fancies listening to.

Telling some of my loved ones about my dark childhood, it relieves the pain that has been ripping me apart ever since that incident occurred. Nonetheless, it only relieves the pain for awhile. Like giving a crying little kid a candy to stop them crying. When I'm alone facing the beast, it all comes back. It haunts my memories so bad that at times, I just wished I was not born into this world at all. Or at least, not into where I am now, because truth to be told, I never felt like I belong forever.

All the sympathy and empathy that I received, they're all temporary to comfort me for the time being. But when it all disappear into thin air, I'm left with nothing but misery. Misery and the haunted memories that the beast has implanted into my memories when I was an innocent child. Why he did that I do not know.

I've tried pushing it out of my memories before, but I can't. Because, as far as it goes, I can only temporary not think of it but not entirely forget it. It's even worse than a pebble in the shoe. Because this particular memory, it's killing me inside. I tried and tried every day to smile and not think of it. But when the mind lingers, it is that particular memory that makes me flinch when I'm in contact with people.

I tried hard to smile and tell you all I'm okay and to not worry. But truth is, sometimes all I ever want to do, is to shout and cry it all out. But I know, even if I were to do that, it'll still be there. Like a stain that can never be washed away no matter how many times or whatever detergent you use to clean it.

So I hope one day, someday, I can finally really sincerely smile and truthfully tell you all that I'm alright. But will I be granted this freedom that I have seek for years? I do not know.

I do know one thing, to those of you who have heard my tale and accepted me for who I am. Thank you all.

Voice out OR die bottling it up

Fate sometimes thinks it's funny to say no to our desires. But sometimes, or most of the time, it's just ourselves. It's just whether or not we're brave or courageous enough to take the risk, to take that step forward. Sometimes, in the darkest hour and times, it feels like we're not meant to be. And that you truly deserves someone far much stronger and braver than I am. Times like that, I truly wished that you were with someone else.

Nonetheless, I love you.

As always, apologies for abandoning my blog for such a long time. Well, anyways, school has finally ended. Yes indeed, it has officially ended. With the official leave of the Form Fives on Thanksgiving day, to this day, which is also the day of retirement for a teacher who has committed herself for this school which has a history behind it for 31 years.

I can't say 2010 is a year full of shit, indeed I can't say that it has been wonderful either. Because as life allows it, it is always wonderful and sometimes shitty. From being a blur Form 1 student till being part of a big family, this year truly has been amazing, with the best seniors I ever had. I really am going to miss each and everyone of you.

Well, last of all. Happy holidays to all of you and good luck to the seniors!