Will it end?

As most of you know, I've been haunted by my past for as long as I can remember. For those of you who don't know, well, its better that you don't. Its not a tale everybody fancies listening to.

Telling some of my loved ones about my dark childhood, it relieves the pain that has been ripping me apart ever since that incident occurred. Nonetheless, it only relieves the pain for awhile. Like giving a crying little kid a candy to stop them crying. When I'm alone facing the beast, it all comes back. It haunts my memories so bad that at times, I just wished I was not born into this world at all. Or at least, not into where I am now, because truth to be told, I never felt like I belong forever.

All the sympathy and empathy that I received, they're all temporary to comfort me for the time being. But when it all disappear into thin air, I'm left with nothing but misery. Misery and the haunted memories that the beast has implanted into my memories when I was an innocent child. Why he did that I do not know.

I've tried pushing it out of my memories before, but I can't. Because, as far as it goes, I can only temporary not think of it but not entirely forget it. It's even worse than a pebble in the shoe. Because this particular memory, it's killing me inside. I tried and tried every day to smile and not think of it. But when the mind lingers, it is that particular memory that makes me flinch when I'm in contact with people.

I tried hard to smile and tell you all I'm okay and to not worry. But truth is, sometimes all I ever want to do, is to shout and cry it all out. But I know, even if I were to do that, it'll still be there. Like a stain that can never be washed away no matter how many times or whatever detergent you use to clean it.

So I hope one day, someday, I can finally really sincerely smile and truthfully tell you all that I'm alright. But will I be granted this freedom that I have seek for years? I do not know.

I do know one thing, to those of you who have heard my tale and accepted me for who I am. Thank you all.