Home?

What is a home? A home to most people is somewhere where they feel protected and save. A place where they feel loved and cared for. My home used to be like this. It used to be the place I felt secure the most, used to be the place I turn to when reality was simply just too cruel to be faced. Sadly, recent turn of events have changed that. My home is now but an empty shell, a place where I only spend my time in, no more and no less than that. It seems like all I do is cause misery and anger in this so called home of mine. Yes, I have even been accused of causing problems in a marriage. How would you handle that? If someone's marriage was in ruins and on the brink of disaster and instead of blaming themselves, they blame you. And that's not even the worst. What is worse is that person is someone who used to love you. I've been told that everything in this world is all but a loan to us, that we came to this world with nothing and will also leave this world with nothing. So in the end, it's just a loan. Well fine then, I'll leave this 'home' of mine when I have the chance. I'm sorry if I even instil the thought that I'm the third party in your marriage in you head. But fear not, I shall leave. But when I leave, you can be damn sure I'm never turning my back. I'm off to make my own home and I never want to be like you.

I give up.

In my previous post I talked about a couple who broke up after 5 long years together. Well I've been trying my best to be a good friend to one of them. I listened and give advice I thought were useful. As time passes, I thought he was healing from time to time. But it turns out that he was sinking a little bit deeper into self pity. I refuse to be negative and go on encouraging him. But now, it's just too much to take. I'm tired of being the optimistic one. After all, I'm just a friend, I'm no fairy godmother. I believe life is about holding fate in our own hands. We decide how our life turns out. Nobody else, but us. So if someone helps you and you refuse to help yourself, then there's nothing much to do to get back on your feet.

It's been forever since my last post so much have changed. I've gone through so much more challenges and adversities that were thrown by fate. But fate however, is a funny thing when you come to think of it. It changes your life in just a click or a blink of an eye. For instance, the only couple I know spilt up after 5 long years of committing themselves in a loving relationship and with everyone certain that they'll someday be in a blissful marriage. So this course of life has certainly came as a shock to all dear to them.

We know that being in a relationship is never easy. It doesn't involves being selfish but instead it was all about giving and sharing. It was about loving each other so much that we would give up our lives for our loved one. However, recent events have changed my perception. As said by a friend, the possibility of meeting our true love at the first time is rare, almost impossible. But there is a speck of possibility no matter.

Truth is, being in a relationship is nothing like what we see in the movies and dramas we so often watch. In movies, the male character makes love look so charming, sending flowers to his loved one, always coming up with surprises on birthdays and anniversaries and always creating a happy atmosphere. But face it, we know in our hearts that its impossible to have rainbows every day. Life as the old saying goes, has its ups and downs. So in reality, being in a relationship involves two people to sacrifice for each other. It involves getting through challenges together, being patient with each other, solving out misunderstandings together, and on top of all that, loving each other.

It gets tiring sometimes, but when you think of it, its worthwhile. However, sometimes on certain days, you just feel like living in one of your many fantasies just for once. You would want your beloved to know for once what is on your mind without you needing to speak, knowing why your sad and comforting you, buying a bouquet of roses just for the fun of it, surprising you by presents or unexpected meetings.

Would be wonderful wouldn't it? But as we know, it doesn't always work that way and in reality, most things that works out in dreams don't work out in reality. So with all that is said, will you be able to stick by the side of your loved one? In sadness and happiness? And like the old saying, till death do you part?

2011

2011 is finally coming to its end and the curtains almost closed. This year has been yet another hard and uneven road for me. Why? First of all, starting a year with everything answered in subjective and with no choices or any hints for the answer is not something very easy to do. Here's a list of events that have occurred throughout the year 2011 in my life :

• Turning 16! Never a better way to celebrate it than with my lovely girlfriends and of course, a SURPRISE PARTY from my Taekwondo lovely buddies! Thank you to all you have made my sweet sixteen a memorable one!

Birthday cake no. 1 from the surprise party =)

Birthday cake no. 2 when my girlfriends and me celebrated

Presents from girlfriends!

Presents revealed! What I've always wanted! Love you girls!

The epic gift from Mr. David Bock who dropped by our party. Thanks sir!

• Can you believe it? I was actually allowed to go to a 4 days 3 nights camp at Pulau Pangkor! On my own of course! I had a splendid time while I was there. Although in the beginning didn't know anyone. But by the end of the day, I had friends from all over the country! And we were reluctant to go back home *sob* *sob*

Look at the amount of people! And they're all Form Fours!

First time rock climbing
Looks easy when you see people doing it but when you're in action? SO HARD

The hanging bridge that we were required to cross
Scary.....

With friends...

Penang contigen


With the captain of the camp

• It was fun at first being sixteen and entering yet another phase of my life. But, my journey of 2011 starts to drown when you zoom into my studies. Long story short, I went from top 10 to top 20. But Other than that, I still managed to keep my personal record. =)

• This year, I gained A LOT of weight. Why? First, I got toenail problem, thus, had to stopped training. Went for surgery. Twice. Scary...

• Celebrated Mum's birthday at Seoul Garden, Gurney.

• Of course not to forget, Dad's birthday!

• Entering the first and most probably last robotic competition.

• Entering Spell It Right competition. Had fun although didn't won. Movies with girlfriends after that to cheer up me day. =)

Look how the spelled my name. Talk about spelling it right

• Celebrated a best girlfriend's birthday. Happy Birthday Jessie =)

A cute kitten who dropped by to join the party

• Not to forget a trip to Monkey Beach with my Taekwondo buddies!

• And during the school holidays, really got to let my hair down by going to a trip to Cameron with my Taekwondo buddies! Miss those funny moments!

This is how it looks like to sit behind a Toyota Hilux. 15 people in the car altogether!

The Boh tea plantation. The sight was breathtaking

Look at the fish!

Well, that's about what happened in my life. 2 hours to go before the new year. Another chapter in the book starts. Hope everyone have a happy new year! =)

Been crying the whole day and still feel sad.

Just when I thought life will finally give a few days off, BAM reality hits me again...Well..I'm tired..I really am..

Life has taken yet another weird course. This time, a much more tougher one. Why you may ask? It's because it made me wonder again and again and made me think of all the what ifs that I could came up with. What if people except that you actually love someone? Wouldn't that be easier to be joyful together and exploring each other's pros and cons? Instead of judging the book by its cover, judging someone by mere comments from others, isn't it much easier to just get to know that person yourself? I think I'm blabbing in this post, the reason is because I have no idea how on earth am I going to start this post.

As happy as I may be, there are ups and downs in life which I cannot deny. I often ponder on the thought of having a family, or building one, one that is peaceful, that don't shout to each other every day, one that talks politely. Sadly, I can't see that happening. Maybe I could build one someday, who knows.

I often too, ponder on the thought of spending my life with Mr. Right, the kind of guy that is perfect from every single aspects. But sadly, that's not possible, although, I believe I have found my true love, as rare as it may seem, I like to think that I have found mine. Because when we're together, nothing else matters anymore. Of course, being in a relationship is not all lovey dovey all the time. We fight, we cry and we make up. That's what we do. Most importantly, we love each other with all our hearts. And that to me, is what matters the most.

If I may quote The Notebook,
" The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we're forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this good-bye is both a good-bye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come. When I look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And I know I have spent every life before this one searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understands, we've been forced to say good-bye. I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and I promise to do all I can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly good-bye, I know we will see each other again in another life. We will find each other again, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before."