Am I asking for too much?

What is the extent that someone is okay with something that they know is impossible to be okay with no matter how difficult they try and no matter how hard they try to cover it up with a smile?

Will you be seen as overreacting if you did explode? Or will they actually understand how you feel?

I guess sometimes even the person who you think understands you the most will turn out to be the most clueless person.

Am I asking for too much to have the dream that my prince will someday sweep me off my feet? Are those just the results of over expectation?

Reality, sucks.

First of all, a very congratulations to one of my dearest and oldest friend for finally finding happiness and his other half. I have to say, after seeing him gone through the pain of losing a relationship which most thought would be the one, I'm glad to see him with his other half in holy matrimony.

Although one should be joyous at an occasion like this one, I can't help but feel alone and somehow at my worst. Seeing friends doll up and the guys in their smart attires, I guess I had a little hope to be one of those girls who were pretty and wore pretty and fancy dresses to a place like that. But let's face it, I was never cut out to be like that ever since the beginning. I could try, but everytime I do, it'll just feel awkward and out of place. Being comfortable and truly yourself takes a lot of sacrifice it seems. But for one night, sometimes I wish I could be a princess and live in a fairytale and have the attention to myself. But who am I kidding eh?

Time.

So, first of all, a very happy new year to all my readers (if there is indeed anyone whose reading). 2014 has certainly been a hectic yet adventurous journey as I could say. I've been battling the 'friend' who has decided to stay as long as I breathe, the wolf which I have come to make peace with, hoping that it will be tamed for as long as it can be. 

Surely of course, it seems that I am not the only one who are battling the demons around them. Some are battling to become a better person, some are battling for a brighter future, and some, are just battling the bricks and hurdles that are stopping them from going over the bridge, toward their goals or as some would like to call it, material possessions. 

Time, is a relative essence, or whatever you would like to categorize it. Until today, the thought of what would happen to me after I stop breathing, will I be reborn? Will I know that I'm gone? All these thoughts still send a shiver down my spine when I think of it, the afterlife. But time, sadly, is never enough. Time, is simply going to move along, like the tides of the sea, feeling no pity for those who choose to be idle with it. But, I ask myself, will there ever be enough time for each of us? Will there always be enough time to reach for what you want? I guess the answer will probably be no. We will eventually just have to deal with it, we will simply just have to make the best of the time that has been given to us.

I also wonder, is it possible for two souls who belong together to meet at the wrong time? Would these two souls be better off if they were apart? Would one be an anchor to the other to achieve what he wants? Would he better off alone, at least until he finds out what he wants or have attained it? 

 

Oblivion is after all, inevitable.

A lot of changed in my life these past few months. Of course, considering the fact that fate thinks its funny to set upon me this great tragedy in the time where I was just about to start exploring the world. Then again, all heroes have a tragedy don't they?

Sadly, I've come to realise that no matter how big a part something can be in your life, eventually, when you stop being important or significant, you'll be forgotten. Sure people might mention you once in awhile, but, sooner or later, you'll just be a fraction of their memories, or worse, maybe even not and you'll be totally forgotten.

I never thought it'll have such a great impact on me. I used to think I was a part of this one big family where we share the same passion. But, as soon as I disappear, so does my reputation. I guess it's partly my fault that I didn't put any effort in being a part of the family even though I'm no longer involved. But it does still hurt knowing that you'll just be wiped off just because you aren't a part of something anymore.

So, I guess what I'm tying to say is, as true as it is in one of my favourite novels, oblivion IS inevitable..

Perhaps it's time to let go?

Maybe...

Life gets more complicated as we move on further in life. It is as though the difficulty level of the game of life is set a notch higher as each day pass, like playing a game as you pass level by level, one step after another, each more difficult than the last, except that this game of life has not only one evil boss to defeat but several or rather, sometimes, never ending.

I do believe that what matters is not the challenges that we face each passing day, but rather the things that we learn from them, the memories, let it be happy or sad that we gain from them, the experiences that makes us a little bit tougher and maybe the most important of them all, the people that we meet along the way.

Well, people always say, no pain no gain. True as it may seem, sometimes we should just step things down a notch and relax. But of course, every single one of us faces the devil within, and by that I mean the little inner demon that I would like to call, STRESS. But does it mean that we should let it stop us from growing or from achieving more? Of course not! Everybody deals with stress diffrently in their own different ways, but that doesn't mean you should just give up and hide in a corner and cry and admit defeat. What about those who want to achieve more but can't because they're stopped by things like long term ailment?

On a second note, I've come to realise that being in a relationship isn't always lovey dovey and filled with never-ending sweet moments of romance. Or does it? Sometimes I wonder is it just me expecting too much? Or is it simply that maybe, just, maybe, you'll somehow be a better and happier person without me by your side. Like someone once said, "if you love a flower, let it be, don't pluck it or it'll die". Perhaps it's time I do the same too? Would my absence bring more happiness and less stress to you? If one day, it does, I will leave, even if it kills me, because nothing matters more than seeing that smile on your face again.

Selfless or Selfish?

Being selfless is such a difficult thing to achieve most of the time. You try to suppress all your feelings and doubts and troubles so you that you don't make others worry and weary more than they already are. But, sometimes I wonder, how long can one hold and suppress themselves and plaster on a smile before they break down and fall apart like everyone else?

Does being selfish and wanting someone else to be selfless instead a selfish thing to wish for? Or worse, what if you find out that deep down, the reason why they are so weary is because of you yourself? What if you were the cause of it and everything would be better if you just disappeared?

Is it ever possible to be selfless and selfish at the same time?