A loser in everything

So sad now,can't seem to get what I want?What I want?I wanna be like a girl,like a normal girl.I'm not saying I'm not normal,it's just that I don't act normal.I think so.I suddenly remembered my favorite song.
Talk to me,
You speak with me,
Don't sink before you rise,baby,
Don't fade away...
This song's title is ice cream,really nice song.Brings me back to my past and all my memories.I really wanna lose weight but no matter how hard I try,I can't seem to succeed.What I should I do?If I don't lose at least 5kg,then sure nobody want me.Then,I think I'm going to have to be a spinster for the rest of my life.Spinster very lonely,though I can have more privacy and everything to myself.But still,I really really wanna be fitter and I rather have muscles than fats.But,I can't succeed!!AH!I wanna kill myself...