Why can't each day pass without any worries and troubles? Maybe it's me, being naive as always and never growing up and becoming mature. I get mad for no rational reason, say words impulsively without thinking twice. Why can't I just shut up? I don't know.

I'm sorry..I really am

I'm not the only one who's violating the rules you know asshole? Besides, it's barely a proper word. I ain't gonna waste my time for you bitch. If you wanna torture me, then bring it on. And one more thing, go fuck yourself motherfucker. Asshole bitch motherfucker fucking fucktard.

Have I changed?

"Hey his here. Why is he even here when there's only like 15 minutes before training ends?" " You can punch me 10 times but you won't be able to withstand one of mine."

Yes, this was what I heard shortly before training ends. Somehow, it set me off, I got mad, for some reasons, I just don't know. Lately, I feel as though things have changed. It's as though we were from different planets.

You say that you made me changed. But what if it's not you but me? Have I truly changed? If I have, am I still who I used to be? I don't know. Somehow, I can't communicate with them anymore. Every little thing they say that meant only jokes to them lights up my anger. Perhaps I've become more hotheaded than usual? I don't know. I seriously don't know.

Can anyone tell me?

Is this what reality is?

I thought my days was finally getting better, I thought they were starting to leave me alone, but, I was wrong. I was beyond glad that one of the 'guardians' was finally gone, leaving me with only two. But, all of a sudden, she came back tonight. Why must she? To spy on me again? Is it fun? Spying on other people when it's none of your business, telling it to someone else then making that someone reach rock bottom. Why must you people do this to me? All I ask for was a little freedom, is it that hard? I agree I have agreed with what you people said when I was younger, but I grew up, and I know what I'm doing. Can't you all just give me a chance to prove to you people that I can manage my own life? Is it so hard to accept the fact that I have grown up and want to start being independent? Maybe I'm not a mother and I don't understand what you people feel, but, don't we all have to let go of our kids when their growing up even if it's the hardest thing to do? This life, is filled with so many amazing things that's waiting to be discovered, why can't you give me a chance to discover it? I'm strong, I know how to stand up if I fall, I want to fly with my own wings, take risks and just have fun. Is it that hard for you people to understand?

I can still recall how amazing it was to feel like a new born champion. The cheers, the compliments, the respect, yes, all of that is amazing isn't it? Youth seems so fun, I was young and naive then, following all your orders, listening to every single thing you asked me to do. Then I got better, and everything just changed. People wanted better performance, the pressure starts getting higher, and I fell. I admit, I've changed a lot. But, that's because I know what's worth and what's not worth sacrificing, or maybe I just gotten softer day by day. I gave up, and passion slowly turned into burden. I tried to stand up and fight back, but I can't, I failed. I couldn't find that passion anywhere in my heart, nor my soul. But now that I know what's more important in my life, I started having a different thinking than you, and you guys thought of it as a rebel. I don't mind, I seriously don't, my heart has been so sad for so long that it started to get hard. The place I once called my paradise, was a living hell now. Is it me? Or is it you?

Why do I feel uncertain? I don't know who can I trust anymore. Lately, the people whom I trust turned their back on me and showed their true selves. Is this reality? If it is, then I'll accept the challenges with patience and strength. I've grown tired of crying, it does nothing but turning me into a frog-eyed human. Why does things start getting uglier as I grow up? Maybe reality is not as easy as I imagined. People whom you trust show their true selves, decisions had to be made, and rules have to be strictly followed and obeyed. What happened to having fun? Taking risks once in a blue moon? I've indeed changed. I used to be like a doll, allowing you to control me with the strings attached on me. But now that I'm growing up, I learned to make my own decisions. Can I or can I not fly with my own wings? Why can't you accept that I've grown up? And you, why must you always threatened me with the secret I expect you to keep? Why? Why must people be so ugly? Is this the true form of humanity?

Hangout at Gurney

Today will certainly be one of the memorable days in my life. Finally, I mean it people, FINALLY, we get to go out together (Vanessa, Phooi Yuee, Fionne, Xin Yi, Carmen and Eileen). Watched Alice in Wonderland together. Hope in future it'll be more exciting.

FUCK!

I don't care if you guys wanna talk bad bout me, I seriously don't fucking care about all that now. Right now, this moment, anger and rage is all I have.

YOU'RE SUCH A RETARD YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S LOVE. YOU USED ME. YOU USED ME LIKE A RAGGED DOLL, TO SATISFY YOURSELF. AND LEFT ME WITH THIS TRAUMA, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL LOVE, THEN YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF! DON'T BE ALL GOODY TWO SHOES WITH ME WHEN THE TRUTH IS YOU'RE TREATING ME LIKE A DOG, A FUCKING DOG ON A FUCKING LEASH.
THEN, WHEN I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU, INSTEAD YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME AND THREATENED ME WITH IT. YOU THINK YOU COULD MAKE ME BOW TO YOU AND BEG YOU LIKE A PEASANT WHEN YOU DO THAT?! THEN LET ME TELL YOU THIS, EVERY WORD THAT COMES OUT FROM YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, I'M LEARNING. LEARNING NOT TO TRUST YOU, EVER AGAIN. AND I'M GETTING STRONGER, DAY BY DAY. AND ONE DAY, YOU CAN TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT TO.
I CAN'T TRUST YOU ANYWAY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY DID I RISK THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE, I'M SUCH A BITCH.
AND YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAVE FEELINGS? WELL YOU DON'T NEED THEM ANYWAY. WHEN YOU SAID HIS A FUCKTARD, WELL GUESS WHAT? YOU. ARE. EXACTLY. LIKE. HIM. SO DON'T EXPECT ME TO SIDE YOU ANYMORE. I'M A HUMAN TOO, I GET TIRED AFTER SOMETIME.

AND TO YOU PEOPLE WHO THINK YOU CAN PUSH ME AROUND, THINK AGAIN. I AIN'T A ROBOT WITH A CHIP IN MY FUCKING BRAIN. SOMETIMES I NEED SPACE TOO. SOMETIMES, I NEED TO TAKE A BREAK FROM ALL THIS SHIT!

Camp '10

So today was the combined camp of all the four boards, Prefects, Monitors, Break Monitors as well as Librarians. It was kind of boring actually, but the best part was the closing event when everyone shake their butts off dancing chicken dance!

The speaker, well she was okay, although she was quite boring and some of the games don't really make sense. Well the best game was passing the ball in diagonal and makes sure everyone got the ball. We got a record of 4 seconds in a group of 18 people!

Did a lot of coloring and drawing, kind of have an adrenaline to paint now thanks to today's camp. To sum it up, it was okay.




Some of the painting results, I know it sucks..XD