I don't belong..

I never felt like I belong anywhere, it's always been like that since I was a kid. I was a total outcast and perhaps, to some people, a disgrace. I've never live up to expectations, be it mine or others. That is my world, sure I'm surrounded by friends, friends who are so rare and people who care for me and loved me.

Yes, you may say I'm selfish, because some people do not even have a proper place they can call home. But, wherever I go, there's always times when I feel left out. I do admit, I'm fragile and sensitive, it's just the way I am.

Put all that aside, to me, life means so much more than kicking and punching. But, this...
Is where I grew up. It used to mean everything to me. My passion, my world, my life. Till now, the passion I once had, just disappeared.

Like I said, life is more than that. My world perhaps, belong with nature. I see beauty in nature, not only wildlife but Mother Earth.

Sure, martial arts has it's own beauty, that I will not deny, but, knowing I have failed in it, how could I stand up again? I'm tired for not deserving the treatment I deserve. I don't even know how to express my feelings.

Or maybe it's just the mother fucker who thinks he can say whatever shit he wants. The higher and the better I got, the more pressure I get from others. And the pressure cooker keeps getting higher, when will it explode I don't know. But when it does, I don't know what I'll do to fix it.

I'm not myself anymore, I barely know what I want in life. It suck so much I just wanna throw it all away. But faith, hope, and strength kept me alive, to fight with all my might before I fall.

Will I ever find a place where I belong? Or am I already there but too blind to see it?