Me, me and it's still me

Today was yet another ordinary Saturday afternoon where there is simply nothing better to do than either watching television, take a nice nap or what I always do, sit either on my bed or in the living room in front of the laptop.

As I was waiting for one of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episode to finish loading, had nothing better to do so flipped through my diaries reminiscing about all those things that have happened in my life.

Then I thought to myself, wow have I changed. A whole lot of me have changed. It's like I don't even know who I am last time. And honestly, I laughed at myself for writing those silly immature things! I guess that's one of the purposes of a diary huh? They are one of those things where you get to know exactly how you were when you're a kid and what you were thinking back then.

I was thinking to myself what an idiot I must have looked like in my diary and was smiling like crazy. But, one thing for sure, through the diary, although it was not a daily thing, I could see the changes I have gone through. Changes which I myself did not even notice.

And God dang it did it freaked me out. And I'm being honest here, man do I miss my boyish side. I really really do, and you guys know why? Because being the tomboy me back then, there was less to worry about then. Of course, I'm worried and paranoid all the time but the tomboy me was such an outgoing and optimistic person. Dang it I miss it!

It's weird to think about it though. When I was boyish back then, all that was in my head was when can I ever be like a real girl? And now, here I am, a changed person looking at skirts and dresses and gowns when I'm in the mall, and all I'm thinking was what the hell went into me?

What I'm trying to say is, I really missed the old me, and I don't want anything to change. I want to be the me now and the me back then. Can I be two person at once even though they're just the past and present? That I really have to figure it out because I want both sides of me, I really do.

You guys think I can ever be both?